A BRIEF HISTORY     (hey, you wanted to know "wtf")

Remember the good old days of the Internet, when sending or receiving a personal email was fun? You'd hear that over-excited, constipated oaf exclaim blandly: "Welcome! ... You've got mail!" -- and that was enough to get you into bunches.

Well those days are gone. Now you need disgusting/bizarre/adorable videos, mindless/addictive games, or endless/pointless instant messages in order to get you into those same bunches on the Internet anymore. And instead of taking about 15 minutes to send a friend a personal, thought-out email, now we just send them a YouTube video link, a picture of an Lolcat on their MySpace comments, or a 20-word text message that took 5x more time to communicate 5x less information than just calling them.

Now at first glance it may seem like I am against the end of the personal email, and against all this instant, pointless, cheap, easy, impersonal online communication. But actually I'm all for Internet-enabled laziness. Even if I was against it, I wouldn't try to fight it. And that's what I'm doing here -- not fighting it.

 

WHAT IS EMAIL4ME THEN?

email4me is a marriage of the old, warm, personal email from a friend, and the instantaneous, click-of-a-button nature of online interaction in the latter part of the first decade of the second millenium since the birth of Jesus Harold Christ (ie: like around 2008 and 2009 AD).

You just give email4me a wee bit of information (your name, your friend's name, your email address, your friend's email address), then click a couple buttons and *WHOOSH!* -- a quasi-personal, pseudorandom, computer-generated email is sent right off on its merry way to their inbox.

 

WTF IS A QUASI-PERSONAL, PSEUDORANDOM, COMPUTER-GENERATED EMAIL??

"Quasi-Personal" means the email will contain your name, your friend's name, and any other names you [optionally] specify, and it will contain sentences that look like they might appear in an actual personal email. "Pseudorandom" means as close to random as a computer can get (it's really simulated randomness). And "Computer-generated" means the words that make up the sentences are picked pseudorandomly by a computer program out of long lists of nouns, verbs, prepositions, pronouns, adjectives, adverbs, phrases, etc. etc. There are also several types of sentences, and the types that are picked and in what order they appear in the email are also chosen pseudorandomly by the email4me engine.

 

WHAT'S THE POINT?

There is no point. This is just a ridiculous, silly, wacky time-waster -- when all others on the Internet have crashed because they are overloaded with countless other mindless zombies, rotting their brains and wasting their lives looking at bright little screens in a dark dreary world -- which is begging its inhabitants to come back and interact the real way again (...using physical violence, of course!).